My size plays an important role in my head state

So my depression circles mostly around my weight I think. Food cravings are hard to beat.

I thinks it’s also around my insecurities. I know I shouldn’t have any when it comes to my husband. I know he lives me and he is very committed to me. But my depression gets the better of me and I’m afraid he may leave when I flip out at him over nothing, or my mood drops dramatically for a few days. 

But back to the weight issue for now. This is a.picture of me as a 16 year old. Doing 4 and half hours swim training a week and loving food.Thats me in the middle

I know I will never get to that size again so let’s flip forward a few years to me at 23

I wasn’t amazingly happy with my size here but looking back I love it. At that point I wanted to look like 16 year old me…. Now I want to look like this.

This is a progress shot from last year when I was doing pt. I was 12.5 stone. I wanted to loose another stone at least.

Here is me now. Over 14 stone…

Look at those stretch marks 😦 I have them under my arms, over my boobs, all over my hips. They disgust me 😦

I can’t take selfish any more as I can’t stand the sight of my own face. 

On the plus side my measurements have dropped after my bindge weekend which chucked me back into this awful mood as I hit 14.8 stone….

I will get there. I will be pretty again


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