Yesterday was an awful day. Hitting the 15st mark has really got to me. I don’t know what to do. I pretty much spent all of the day crying and wanting to be just with chris holding me.

I may have to go back on contraception until we work out what is going on properly. At this time, nearly a year of TTC…. It hurt like hell thinking that. I want a baby so badly. And have been trying for so long now. 

I just keep thinking why, why me. Why does this have to be happening to me. I bet the scans show up that I’m really bad, I have this feeling in my gut they are going to say that I won’t be able to have children. I just know I it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ and it hurts like hell.

I just want my own little baby, plodding around the house.
I’m meeting one of my best friends children today, she is nearly 2 but due to their relationship issues with the mum, I’ve not met the little one yet. I’m so excited, but nervous. We are going to a kids soft play zone. I’m worried about how being around that many kids is going to make me feel. I don’t want to have a breakdown in public….


I’m done….

โ€‹Well totally fed up today! 

TTC since November with no luck…. Then today  I’ve got 15 stone…. That’s 3 stone since coming of contraception. I’m so fed up…. I’ve had enough of it all now ๐Ÿ˜ฆ 

Ready to give up on everything 


I’m really struggling with this pcos diagnos.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m glad that I have it and that the doctor’s will eventually work out a plan to help me. 

But I can’t stand any of it…. The weight gain, the hair growth, the anxiety, the depression, the mood swings, and especially the weight gain! 

I hate my body… I hate what this is doing to me. 

I have to wait for my appointment for a scan to see how bad the cysts are if I have any. Only then will they start a treatment plan…. So I have another month to wait until I can be helped….

september update

I’ve been a bit quiet recently. I’m not trying to try to conceive at the moment. Finding out I have pcos is been a bit of a bummer. 

Went to the doctor’s to discuss the results though today and I’m getting a scan of my ovaries to check how bad cysts are. Then they will look into what they can do drug wise for weight and fertility.
Today has been a good day though. Me and chris went to exeter to do some retail therapy, had a small hands for lunch and then headed to arc rescue to talk to them about fostering on of the dogs. We met bed. A lovely blue merle collie…. He is now home with us! Haha! After a good wash and a groom he has settled very well, and won’t leave my side ๐Ÿ™‚ we do think there is something wrong with his back right leg. Hes not very steady on it.

Back to fertility…

So it’s been a while since I’ve talked about trying to conceive and all that malarkey…. 

I had my bloods done this week to test for any thyroid issues and to see if I had polycystic overie syndrome (pcos). And guess what! I have pcos…. 

This will be great fun…. No wonder I have

  • Gained weight
  • Unable to conceive
  • Extra hairy
  • Miscarried 
  • Depression and anxiety

Its all symptoms of pcos. 

So add that to the list of things to be depressed about…