Yesterday was an awful day. Hitting the 15st mark has really got to me. I don’t know what to do. I pretty much spent all of the day crying and wanting to be just with chris holding me.
I may have to go back on contraception until we work out what is going on properly. At this time, nearly a year of TTC…. It hurt like hell thinking that. I want a baby so badly. And have been trying for so long now.
I just keep thinking why, why me. Why does this have to be happening to me. I bet the scans show up that I’m really bad, I have this feeling in my gut they are going to say that I won’t be able to have children. I just know I it 😦 and it hurts like hell.
I just want my own little baby, plodding around the house.
I’m meeting one of my best friends children today, she is nearly 2 but due to their relationship issues with the mum, I’ve not met the little one yet. I’m so excited, but nervous. We are going to a kids soft play zone. I’m worried about how being around that many kids is going to make me feel. I don’t want to have a breakdown in public….
Well totally fed up today!
TTC since November with no luck…. Then today I’ve got 15 stone…. That’s 3 stone since coming of contraception. I’m so fed up…. I’ve had enough of it all now 😦
Ready to give up on everything
I’m really struggling with this pcos diagnos.
Don’t get me wrong… I’m glad that I have it and that the doctor’s will eventually work out a plan to help me.
But I can’t stand any of it…. The weight gain, the hair growth, the anxiety, the depression, the mood swings, and especially the weight gain!
I hate my body… I hate what this is doing to me.
I have to wait for my appointment for a scan to see how bad the cysts are if I have any. Only then will they start a treatment plan…. So I have another month to wait until I can be helped….
I’ve been a bit quiet recently. I’m not trying to try to conceive at the moment. Finding out I have pcos is been a bit of a bummer.
Went to the doctor’s to discuss the results though today and I’m getting a scan of my ovaries to check how bad cysts are. Then they will look into what they can do drug wise for weight and fertility.
Today has been a good day though. Me and chris went to exeter to do some retail therapy, had a small hands for lunch and then headed to arc rescue to talk to them about fostering on of the dogs. We met bed. A lovely blue merle collie…. He is now home with us! Haha! After a good wash and a groom he has settled very well, and won’t leave my side 🙂 we do think there is something wrong with his back right leg. Hes not very steady on it.
So it’s been a while since I’ve talked about trying to conceive and all that malarkey….
I had my bloods done this week to test for any thyroid issues and to see if I had polycystic overie syndrome (pcos). And guess what! I have pcos….
This will be great fun…. No wonder I have
- Gained weight
- Unable to conceive
- Extra hairy
- Depression and anxiety
Its all symptoms of pcos.
So add that to the list of things to be depressed about…
Fuck you, depression
Fuck you, weight gain
Fuck you, not being pregnant
Fuck you, unable to conceive
Fuck you, money problems
Fuck you, life
I’m fucking done with it all at the moment. Where is that hole I can go and hide in forever..