Yesterday was an awful day. Hitting the 15st mark has really got to me. I don’t know what to do. I pretty much spent all of the day crying and wanting to be just with chris holding me.

I may have to go back on contraception until we work out what is going on properly. At this time, nearly a year of TTC…. It hurt like hell thinking that. I want a baby so badly. And have been trying for so long now. 

I just keep thinking why, why me. Why does this have to be happening to me. I bet the scans show up that I’m really bad, I have this feeling in my gut they are going to say that I won’t be able to have children. I just know I it 😦 and it hurts like hell.

I just want my own little baby, plodding around the house.
I’m meeting one of my best friends children today, she is nearly 2 but due to their relationship issues with the mum, I’ve not met the little one yet. I’m so excited, but nervous. We are going to a kids soft play zone. I’m worried about how being around that many kids is going to make me feel. I don’t want to have a breakdown in public….


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