I thought he understood

It happened again

“please don’t be up late”. “ok I won’t”

Quarter past 3 I kick our mutual friend out and get him to come to bed…. Not late my ass….. But that’s only a small bit about what I’m pissed off about…. He’s ill anyway so tomorrow is going to be fun when he is tired too…. But I can deal with that…..
It’s another broken fucking promise.

I ask one this of him whilst we are trying to concieve….. To keep his beer at max 5 cans/pints a night when soicialising…. Did he do that NO! 

I don’t think he has a fucking clue how it makes me feel! If he does, it’s obvious he doesn’t give a shit.

Here I am… Not knowing if I ovulate… Not knowing how my body is failing at becoming a mother…. And I’m taking all these fucking tablets…. Cutting back on all the bad food….. Bloods….. Doctors appointments….. Exercise…. Treating my body like a fucking temple to try and have a baby…..

All he had to do is no more than 5 cans and he can’t even do that….. I didnt push the men’s said tablets…. I didn’t push that at all…. But just the drinking.

I told myself if he kept doing this, I would go back on contraception…. Is this his way of showing me he isn’t ready? Why does he do it? He can’t really want to hurt me like this? Does he just not care?
I’m heart broken right now… Sleeping in the spare room. I just can’t face him right now. Not when I’m crying for another broken promise.

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