not long now….. :/

It’s playing on my mind a lot at the moment. December is nearly here…. I would be due the 16th…. that’s not long at all.

I’m so proud of my friend who is ready to drop! But so jealous at the same time. I do wish it was me. I wish i knew why we haven’t concieved again… I wish it would just happen. 

Zero is helping me loads mentally . Hi don’t feel such a wreck. Still a mess but not a wreck. I know we are asking but he was worth the money struggles amillion times over. 

I can’t remember if I mentioned my cousin is pregnant again. The one I wrote about before that had to have a termination when I found out I was pregnant. He has her 20 week Scan soon. She fell pregnant the first month they started trying after the loss. 

Wish it was that easy for me.

I do wonder what’s wrong


been a while

So much has happened since my last post. I found out my husband’s cousin in Canada has their baby. They fell just before I did in April, so that hit me hard. Then found our my cousin is like 18 weeks pregnant. And one of my best friends is ready to pop. I would only have a couple weeks left if I hadn’t miscarried. 

I wish i could catch again… Just to show that I can…. I feel a failure that I can’t 

Given up

I’ve given up.

I’m done

I can’t do this anymore. I thought I was pregnant…. I wasn’t…. I cried a lot. And decided I’m done. I have barely touched my husband since. I can’t go through with thinking I’m pregnant again. It’s hurts so much. 

I shaved today… My face. It feels so nice and smooth but I want to cry because I’ve done it.

Diet can go fuck itself.

Everything can just do one. I’ve had enough of life. I just want to curl up. Even the new puppy isn’t shifting this. But he is policing me something else to focus on. If I can’t have a baby or a normal life I will have my dog

Months trying

October – implant out

Nov -1 bfn

Dec-2 bfn

Jan-3 bfn

Feb -4 bfn

March -5 bfp mc start april

April -6 bfn

May-7 bfn

June -8 bfn

July-9 bfn

Aug-10 bfn

Sep- 11 bfn

October CD 1 was8th 

everything crossed.

I’m due af tomorrow. I had a slight bit of spotting yesterday but then nothing. And today… Nothing… O please o please don’t come af. I need you not to come. 

I’ve had no symptoms that she’s coming either. Usually by now I have, but I bet she will just be late…. Get my hopes up…. Test negative repeatedly (no tests till Monday though) them blam… She will come and tear my heart out once again. 

having a feel good day today

​Having a feel good day today! Weigh in at 14.8st on home scales which means a drop in of 3lbs this week.

Wonder what the doctors scales will say… They are always different and not digital! But I’m focusing on weight drop not the number 🙂

Any way! Been on a low GL diet his week. Feel much better for it. It’s difficult but seems to be working. I feel less bloated and feel better for it! 

Can definitely recommend an all called My GI on the play store to help pick food