in a dream state

I feel so lost… 

I feel like I’ve been in a dream for the last 7 weeks and now I’ve woken up. And the realisation and grogginess of a vivid dream is all there. 

Or

This is all a dream, it’s not real, in a minute I will wake up and everything will be ok…..

But I know it’s not.

I know I’m awake, I know the pain will kick in properly soon…. I know I’m no longer going to be a mum to the child I was carrying. I’m not pregnant anymore, however much I wish I was….. It doesn’t feel real yet…

When will it feel real? My heart is in two, I’m trying to keep it together…. I need to keep it together.

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