So it’s been two weeks since we found out our baby was no longer.
My heart still hurts everyday. I think it’s getting easier though…. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just getting numb to the pain. I know i feel feel numb still. I get upset easily, i keep seeing baby stuff everywhere…. Kids everywhere… Pregnant women everywhere…. It hurts like hell.
I was meant to be a mum already… From my pregnancy back in April… And i was meant to be looking forward to becoming a mum in august but that got taken away from me too. It’s just not fair. None of it is fair. I want to scream about how unfair it is.
I want to fuck off somewhere else and not come back…. I can’t be doing with all the stress… All the worry… All the bad thoughts in my head.
Will i ever become a mum? Doesn’t feel like it right now. Feel like i will never get there.
I feel useless, i don’t want to do anything. I’ve made myself a bloody children’s reward chard just to get through each day. To make sure i do something. A visual aid to keep me going, to amke sure i do at least one household chore a day, To keep my eating healthy.
People don’t realise how much this hurts.