2 weeks on….

So it’s been two weeks since we found out our baby was no longer. 

My heart still hurts everyday. I think it’s getting easier though…. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just getting numb to the pain. I know i feel feel numb still. I get upset easily, i keep seeing baby stuff everywhere…. Kids everywhere… Pregnant women everywhere…. It hurts like hell. 

I was meant to be a mum already… From my pregnancy back in April… And i was meant to be looking forward to becoming a mum in august but that got taken away from me too. It’s just not fair. None of it is fair. I want to scream about how unfair it is. 

I want to fuck off somewhere else and not come back…. I can’t be doing with all the stress… All the worry… All the bad thoughts in my head.

Will i ever become a mum? Doesn’t feel like it right now. Feel like i will never get there. 

I feel useless, i don’t want to do anything. I’ve made myself a bloody children’s reward chard just to get through each day. To make sure i do something. A visual aid to keep me going, to amke sure i do at least one household chore a day, To keep my eating healthy.

People don’t realise how much this hurts. 

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5 thoughts on “2 weeks on….

  1. Well I will say I know how this pain goes… March 10th would have been my due date and now having been through five rounds of IVF we are preparing for our final attempt in April. I’m so mad at the world that I don’t even care if our adoption ever goes through some days ( our international adoption process was pushed back 2-4 years last summer…And I’m 43), as I’m just tired of everything. It has been since August since I had my miscarriage and the pain has subsided directly related to the days it happened, but I still carry it with me and think about it every day. I saw your tattoo and it’s interesting cuz it’s kind of similar to the one I’m going to be getting ( where I am there are months you have to wait just to get into an artist as it’s so popular, ugh). Sending you big hugs…

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    • Thanks for the hugs. It’s horrible isn’t it. I never got over my first MC as much as everyone expects you to I hold that with me to this day and now have to carry a second. Before this pregnancy I was told I could have fertility treatment on NHS… I just needed to lose weight x

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