So the last few days have been really hard. I’ve been struggling a lot again with everything.
On Monday I have an appointment with a specialist counceller at the epu in Exeter. She’s called Vicky. She was a overly Larry and chatting to her really helped me realise that even though the my MC seems so long ago… 5 weeks have gone really fast and I’m still healing. My wound is very much open and I’m still very broken. But I will get better… Slowly. We also worked out that I use my mask on Chris and mum and I need to stop doing this. I need to tell them I’m not OK, I need to let myself be not ok… If that makes sense.
We went to a gig monday night and caught up with loads of people that we hadn’t seen in ages. I should have enjoyed the evening but I couldn’t. I struggled talking to my friends, the only thing on my mind is my MC… I can’t talk about that with them…. if felt miserable the whole night, but then again in like that all the time at the moment. But usually socialising helps, but it didn’t this time.
Yesterday wasn’t amazing either, I felt stupidly low and depressed. None of my clothes seen to fit again… Even with losing 4lbs in the last 3 weeks… How are things feeling smaller 😦
But pancakes with the family and a well needed bath when I got home really helped. It was my first proper bath since my MC where I shaved and really sort d myself out. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve showered and bathed since but was always a quick, normal wash. I spent ages on myself last night which was needed. I felt a lot more relaxed after.