first trip away.

So I’m currently laid in bed at my God mums house in London.

I didn’t know if I would make it here. My anxiety has been through the roof at the thought of coming. It’s my God sisters 21st birthday. So usually I would be well up for a party and wouldn’t have even thought about not coming. But it’s taken slot for me to get here. I was worried about coming. Worried about being away from my home. Being away from my safe place and being away from my husband.

But I’m here. I made it. Now to get through the party….. I feel sick at the thought of it. 2 bottles of wine should help! 

O and on the topic of my anxiety, I managed to send food back yesterday. Again I felt sick about it but I did it. I ordered a peanut butter chocolate pudding. It came out with a tonne of cooked ripe banana…. Which it didn’t say on the menu and definitely not what I wanted. I like banana on my terms .. (they have to be unripe and only in things or at specific times) so I sent it back and got something different. 

Go me! 
I had a call from midwife team yesterday afternoon asking to book in for my 18 week appointment…. I mean seriously how unprofessional can they get. I was having an amazing day and then I got that call. And que all the feels coming back. Anger to start, then by dinner I was feeling very sad about everything again. I ended up dreaming about baby last night and struggling all day today with my emotions, I cried this morning again. 


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