One year on…

A year ago today (4) I wasn’t feeling well.

A year ago tomorrow (5) I got my first ever faint positive and didn’t believe it.

A year ago on the following day (6) I got my positive that we have been waiting for since november

On the 8th we told my mum, dad and the kids. 

Never did I even consider loosing that little bean. And never did I even think that I would loose my second too. 

Never did I think that a year on I would be babyless and still waiting.

Never did I think that I would be in a 2 week wait wishing I felt sick.

Never did I think that this would have changed me so much. I cried again last night. I feel like crying now. I can’t get to grips with what has happened to me. I struggle every day. 

I crave for a baby so much it hurts. I want to have a little one just like everyone else I see around me. So many babies, so many lucky people. And here I am babyless. Wishing every day. 

I don’t hold out much hope. It took 5 months to concieve the first time. 7 months for the second. I’m on cycle 3 since my last…. I’m not holding out at all that I will b pregnant this month. I know I’m not. Life isn’t that good to me. 

I have my husband…. I have my dog…. I have my business… I have my house…. o have an amazing family….I have good friends…. it should be enough right? 

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