the ups and the downs

Things have good recently. Alot better than before but some days I still feel like abosolute shit.

But it’s the same crap that I feel crap about so I haven’t really been posting much. I’m currently on cd3 so that another month of not getting my baby…. 21 months we have been trying… 2 miscarriages… And still nothing more. I hate it so much. I hate that it’s made me put on so much weight to, that’s taken the fun and excitement out of ttc. I just want to get it over and done with now so that I can get back on contraception and get fit again. I can’t stand looking in the mirror. I can’t stand having my picture taken. I just look fat and ugly. Bah! 

On the plus side my gynacology referral came through so I can book that in now. And find out what’s going on. There had to be something…. I just want a baby so badly. 

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