aaaaand again 

Af due tomorrow…. Feeling sick as…. And it’s my 2nd wedding anniversary tomorrow. 😦 Was so hoping to be able to tell my husband some good news…..
Roll on the fertility appointment on 29th 😦


fitness and life

I’ve gone back into a slimfast style diet to try and help boost my metabolism so fingers crossed it works.

I’m pushing myself harder with my fitness, I’m running more and entering events. I’m entering a triathalon for beginners next month. I have 5 weeks….. 

I’ve given up with the having a baby shit. I’m struggling so bad with it. I know I want it. I know things may come right. But I have no hope left. Doctors on 29th but right now I don’t see it realtly ever happening. 

Chris is drinking still in the evenings. He said he would cut it out, but hasn’t. When I mention it, all I get is mmmhmmmmm. I feel like I’m the only one taking health seriously to have kids.

my weight

I’m really struggling with body image at the moment. I’m finding being this size really really hard. Physically and mentally.

The first image is me before coming off my contraception. Before I found out I had pcos and an insulin resistancy. Im 12 and half 12

The second is me at 14 stone. A year later. When I found out I had pcos.

The 3rd is yesterday. 16 stone. Unhappy. And hating my body.

There is nothing I can do. I eat healthily, exercise and I’m still this size. It’s depressing and makes me want to cry.

I would do anything to go back even to 14 stone. But I’m giving up my body to have a child. I will get there. I will bring a child into this world then put myself back to being first…. I hope it works like that. Because living in this body is hell.

I also miss being able to wear clothes like the first picture