To break or not to have a break…. That is the question

So I’ve hit 17 stone…. I said I would never let myself hit this weight.
I’ve been given the pill to have a break if I want and to help me loose weight as I’m gaining since coming off contraception.
I got a bfp after round 2 but it ended in MC. Still waiting for period to return.

I’m just so confused as to what to do… Have a break and loose some weight…Or try again for couple months… I so wish this was easy.


I wish

I wish I could have a baby.

I keep looking at rescue dogs. I want another thing to look after. I always get like this.

16 days

16 days later I think I have finally stopped bleeding.

The last 16 days have been hell. Its been and still feels like an emotional rollercoaster. I’m up and down constantly and snapping at Chris for things which I shouldn’t be.

But on the plus side the last couple days me and Chris have had some great sex. And I mean GREAT sex. I guess the not having to do it takes the pressure off and adds a bit more enjoyment again. I have always enjoyed sex but not having to do it makes it so much more appealing. And so does some new toys…. Haha!

Well here it is :(

Well here it is….. The actually MC 😦

After 10 days if bleeding. My levels dropped yesterday morning completely. So no more positive test…. Last night I went into full blown MC bleed 😦

My tummy hurts 😦 where are the pain killers


Apparently being left alone in an evening… Home alone… Is majorly kicking off my my anxiety. I’m sat here wondering that the earliest I can go to bed is to make me feel ‘normal’ again. I want to cry. Why can’t things go right. I need things to go right now. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how I’m still functioning. I don’t want to function. I want to curl up in a ball and hide

One week on…

One week on since j found out I was pregnant… Then ended up in hospital with a ruptured cyst and MC….

I’m struggling… I really am… I don’t want to go out and do anything. I’m finding the little things hard again.

But I have to be strong… Even if I don’t want to be…

I don’t want to be….

I want to curl up and cry….

Fuck you world